var r_text = new Array ();
r_text[0] = "(Matt) You should drink all of the beer out of your can before you throw it next time. (Andy) But, I... it wasn't... (Matt) Then why am I wet now!?";
r_text[1] = "(Joel) We're having a chat using Facebook comments in real time. (Erin) Wow, you're not a nerd at all.";
r_text[2] = "(Andrew) Your mom has five flags! (Matt) That may be, but at least I didn't sleep with Lumbergh.";
r_text[3] = "(Matt) I'm being shot at in the game and in real life.";
r_text[4] = "(Craig) Wait, Magda came and told you to spend money... so you spent money? (Andrew) Yes.";
r_text[5] = "(Matt) Damnit Craig, I'm trying to test my sound. (Joel) {watching} Well, if you can hear yourself dying then it works.";
r_text[6] = "(Magda) There's Triple Sec in my laptop.";
r_text[7] = "(Joel) That guacamole is looking really gross. (Matt) That's guacamole? I thought that was chocolate!";
r_text[8] = "(Andy) I summon Humble Budoka. (Joel) Humble? This is no time for humble creatures, Andy.";
r_text[9] = "(Andrew) I'm trying to generate a new password because that one has been compromised. (Joel) Because you just told me?";
r_text[10] = "(Andrew) Here I am, delirious from a lack of fruit.";
r_text[11] = "(Matt) He ripped open new orafices and then raped those too.";
r_text[12] = "(Andy) Who's John Brown? (Joel) You starred in a film in which you played John Brown.";
r_text[13] = "(Matt) Andy and I are mirror image twins. I'm left handed and he's not. Also, I'm handsome and he's ugly. (Andy) Matt always mixes up that last part.";
r_text[14] = "(Joel) Now we have an unfathomably long coat check line to stand in. (Nina) But I can fathom it.";
r_text[15] = "(Matt) We were standing here listening to a band, but now that the band is gone we're just standing in a bar.";
r_text[16] = "(Joel) There's a lot of knees being taken up there.";
r_text[17] = "(Andrew) I inhaled a bit of Twizzler.";
r_text[18] = "(Matt) Are you telling me that the lore of death is not good at killing people?";
r_text[19] = "(Matt) You should tell everyone what to do or else they are going to stand around wearing hats.";
r_text[20] = "(Craig) How can you kill Christian Bale? He knows Gun Kata!";
r_text[21] = "(Craig) The trash is emanating a psychic aura that hurts you physically?";
r_text[22] = "(Magda) Ha! It's gross, but I found the bishop!";
r_text[23] = "(Joel) I have absolutely no idea where Craig... uh, hang on, Craig is on the other line.";
r_text[24] = "(Matt) It's going to look like I'm getting in the car and driving off, but you can keep talking if you want.";
r_text[25] = "(Matt) I think we have to ask what the local community wants. (Joel) They want drugs, Matt.";
r_text[26] = "(Matt) I didn't email the Museum of the African Diaspora because I figured they wouldn't hire a cracker like me.";
r_text[27] = "(Andrew) I want you to take things from me, and whatever you take I want you to not give back. (Joel) Andrew, a dumpster will do that for you.";
r_text[28] = "(Matt) The mystic elevator is my only chance.";
r_text[29] = "(Joel) Get into the right lane of leftyness!";
r_text[30] = "(Joel) Matt, you get to do it. (Matt) Do what? (Joel) You get to cut the cake. (Matt) Oh, I thought you meant kill everybody.";
r_text[31] = "(Andrew) I had an O.S. wipe since we last did this. (Craig) Is that how you measure time?";
r_text[32] = "(Joel) This game would be easier with bureaucrats and advisors actually helping you with your turn. (Craig) Yes! (Joel) And hats! (Matt) And epaulettes! (Joel) Yes! With symbols and crap!";
r_text[33] = "(Matt) The ladies will be all over you; they love a man with a clean apartment.";
r_text[34] = "(Matt) Before today, I didn't even know it existed, now it's all I ever wanted!";
r_text[35] = "(Joel) Oh, but we can afford Natty Light! (Nina) I don't want to afford Natty Light.";
r_text[36] = "(Nina) Also, do you have a license to carry that thing? Or do you need one? (Joel) License? License to kill!";
r_text[37] = "(Joel) There are... what do you call those words? ...that are on cards? (Andrew) Keywords.";
r_text[38] = "(Joel) I burn, rape, and pillage all that I see. (Andrew) I fall back... I just wanted to gain the honor from that. (Joel) That was honorable!?";
r_text[39] = "(Andrew) Schist thats some Gneiss Cleavage!";
r_text[40] = "(Andrew) What's that for? (Joel) It's called a vacuum cleaner, Andrew.";
r_text[41] = "(Matt) If a snake is called a Death Adder there are no more questions.";
r_text[42] = "(Joel) Andy, we're in your house. (Andy) I'm all too aware, Joel... Where did all the food go?";
r_text[43] = "(Joel) Why is there a tarantula in your house? (Andrew) I don't know, it came out of my blanket I think.";
r_text[44] = "(Matt) This would be a great game for someone who likes shuffling. (Andrew) I like shuffling. (Matt) Wow, I thought I would have a tough time finding someone who likes shuffling but apparently he's right here.";
r_text[45] = "(Joel) Oh, I'm looking for a 7 on a D6.";
r_text[46] = "(Matt) Listen Andrew, don't cause an international incident for me, I can cause my own international incidents.";
r_text[47] = "(Matt) That's a bizzare way of solving the problem, much in keeping with Andrew's way of doing things.";
r_text[48] = "(Erin) Are you ready? (Joel) I wish I had a gold mine in Dwarf Fortress. (Erin) Ok, we're ready.";
r_text[49] = "(Erin) Are you becoming a communist? (Joel) No, I'm just looking for a way to get out of work and paying rent... so, yes.";
r_text[50] = "(Erin) I don't recommend using that bowl for food ever, because I use that for things you don't even know about.";
r_text[51] = "(Joel) I should probably take my pants off. (Erin) Oh, I forgot we were doing that. (Joel) Well, you promised.";
r_text[52] = "(Joel) Remember when we mailed Crake that keg for his birthday? (Erin) You mean when we mailed Craig that cake for his birthday?";
r_text[53] = "(Joel) What? I'm talking to Craig about beating up a guy we have no beef with.";
r_text[54] = "(Joel) Andrew, are you going to take the first turn, or arrange your dice by size and color? (Andrew) I'm not arranging them by size.";
r_text[55] = "(Andrew) Woah, I just had a thought. What if we edited the raw files in Dwarf Fortress to create... Mouse Fortress. (Joel) ...Why? (Joel) Oh right, you're reading Mouse Guard. Everything mouse is awesome to you right now.";
r_text[56] = "(Matt) I need my planes and my pants.";
r_text[57] = "(Matt) You just rolled a pente stone.";
r_text[58] = "(Craig) Where is everyone going? It's Saturday night.";
r_text[59] = "(Andrew) Joel, you dread never finishing the models that you have, I dread never having enough models to finish.";
r_text[60] = "(Joel) Remember the wargamer's rule: a die rolled off the table is scarcely a die rolled at all.";
r_text[61] = "(Joel) The Battle of Kursk was just asking to be happened.";
r_text[62] = "(Nina) Matt, those aren't game pieces, those are earplugs.";
r_text[63] = "(Andy) But, but... (Nina) You're only allowed one butt, and it's yours.";
r_text[64] = "(Matt) It takes a special type of person to refer to it as melted ice.";
r_text[65] = "(Andrew) Oh, people are coming by. (Nina) Does that mean you want us to stop talking about pubic hair monologues?";
r_text[66] = "(Craig) It's Ok. (Joel) How is it Ok? You just died!";
r_text[67] = "(Craig) What are you going to do? (Joel) Your mom tomorrow night.";
r_text[68] = "(Joel) The effect is cumulative if you receive multiple penetrations.";
r_text[69] = "(Andrew) I'm going to use all seven of these dice, plus all of these... to invoke a miscast!";
r_text[70] = "(Andrew) Oh crap, I need to make sure that your lord doesn't get into combat with... my army.";
r_text[71] = "(Joel) Am I playing speed pool? (Craig) No, you're just playing bad pool fast.";
r_text[72] = "(Joel) Andrew, it's surprisingly unlike you to make a serious reference to something as normal as a TV station.";
r_text[73] = "(Craig) Do you have anything here that isn't Beck?";
r_text[74] = "(Andy) Man, if this was my city in... uh... (Joel) Sim City Societies? (Magda) Civilization? (Craig) Dwarf Fortress? (Andy) Animal Crossing! Every constellation would be a penis.";
r_text[75] = "(Andy) There are bugs copulating in Craig's hair, he will never live this down.";
r_text[76] = "(Magda) Oh, Nina's Dave and Buster's bag was dragged into the lake. (Joel) Is it Dave and Busted?";
r_text[77] = "(Joel) Why are all my pants dirty? (Andrew) Dew. (Joel) Do? (Andrew) Dew. (Joel) Do the Dew? (Andrew) No, the literal mountain dew.";
r_text[78] = "(Joel) All our lunches for the trip are planned in this column. We got sandwiches, then mac and cheese, then chilaquiles, followed by hotdogs, and finally uh, peppermint schnapps.";
r_text[79] = "(Joel) It's like I won a scavenger hunt that nobody knew I was doing.";
r_text[80] = "(Andy) I'm gonna bring it home like a history final.";
r_text[81] = "(Matt) What do you mean 'nerd'? Elf Quest is awesome!";
r_text[82] = "(Craig) The thing you have to understand about the Doomed Legion is we have a very loose relationship with time.";
r_text[83] = "(Andrew) Brawl was actually the first game I got without knowing everything about it.";
r_text[84] = "(Andrew) I should have immediately down... upgraded Windows Vista to XP.";
r_text[85] = "(Andy) Tribes Vengeance, if you need to install it the CDs are... gone.";
r_text[86] = "(Andy) Newcastle with a grape juice chaser?";
r_text[87] = "(Joel) Having problems is what Dwarf Fortresses do.";
r_text[88] = "(Andrew) Andy! How can you dare call it 2011{two thousand eleven}. It's 2011{twenty eleven}, because it's the future!";
r_text[89] = "(Joel) Was that a cloud you just launched off? (Andy) No, it was a seagull.";
r_text[90] = "(Andrew) You have to work tomorrow? But tomorrow's Monday!";
r_text[91] = "(Joel) Excuse me, I'm going to go un-food.";
r_text[92] = "(Andrew) I wanted to sit next to you because I wasn't talking enough to the group. (Joel) Why's that? (Andrew) I can't relate to the subject matter at hand. (Joel) What was the subject matter? (Andrew) Life skills.";
r_text[93] = "(Joel) Your average beach sand is actually only 30% sand. The rest is a melange of urine, feces, animal feces, etcetera. (Andy) Is that why it's so wet?";
r_text[94] = "(Joel) Joel has cancelled kegels, item not found.";
r_text[95] = "(Andrew) I just owned myself in the face with a razor. I was trying to brush my teeth and shave at the same time.";
r_text[96] = "(Joel) Put that down as my epitaph... 'It was badass.'";
r_text[97] = "(Joel) Craig! There's that guy! We went to his kegger last night! ...What was his name again?";
r_text[98] = "(Joel) I'm bothered by how these hippie naturalist types say coyotes{kai-yohts} instead of coyotes{kai-yoh-tees}. (Andrew) That's because hippies don't believe in English.";
r_text[99] = "(Kendall) What are you doing? It looks like you are coding in Java or something. (Andrew) I'm using Linux!";
r_text[100] = "(Andrew) There are no children zombies because that would be gruesome. (Joel) Who are you talking to Andrew? (Matt) Andrew is talking to himself.";
r_text[101] = "(Matt) Cheap, cheap, cheap! We don't need to get high quality Chinese food. (Joel) Why not? (Matt) Why get quality? Do you really think these people will appreciate quality as they are scarfing it down as fast as they can?";
r_text[102] = "(Amy) Wow, you guys have demonstrated that you know how to read.";
r_text[103] = "(Andrew) It's so nice in here I forgot that it was raining. (Matt) That's how it tends to be indoors.";
r_text[104] = "(Matt) Alright shopkeeper, I'm going to make it easy for you. Magical punch dagger! (Andrew) {Shopkeeper} How did you get in here?";
r_text[105] = "(Matt) What ho! We are butt-humble travelers from the north! (Andrew) Butt-humble? (Matt) He can interpret that any way he wants. Maybe he thinks I have a strange dialect. (Magda) You defintely have that.";
r_text[106] = "(Cory) So I see there's pillaging going on. Is there any raping? Because as chaotic good... (Joel) ...You want to rape somebody?";
r_text[107] = "(Cory) He's arguing that he's smarter than me; I'm arguing that I'm right.";
r_text[108] = "(Andrew) You notice the hole that everyone fell into. (Andy) I don't fall into the hole!";
r_text[109] = "(Joel) What would it mean if I'm surrounded by a black halo? (Craig) It might mean you're the lord of death.";
r_text[110] = "(Matt) You know, in my Warhammer Fantasy RPG I had to make an STD chart because everyone kept sleeping with everyone else.";
r_text[111] = "(Andy) If an anthropologist thousands of years in the future found an ancient pack of googly eyes, what do you think they would make of it?";
r_text[112] = "(Matt) My German's a little rusty. (Andy) As in, you've never known German.";
r_text[113] = "(Matt) See! There was a point to having snakes! (Andrew) Yeah, it took up like ten minutes.";
r_text[114] = "(Matt) Do you really want to use a gold-encrusted couch as a boat?";
r_text[115] = "(Craig) We don't want to kill it, we just want to get it into the acid. (Matt) Which would kill it! (Andrew) Not kill it, just neutralize the acid. (Matt) You are assuming the gelatinous cube is a base!";
r_text[116] = "(Matt) The entire floor of the corridor begins to tilt ahead of you. (Andrew) I sit down and prepare to slide!";
r_text[117] = "(Andy) I've been keeping it with my real money so it smells proper.";
r_text[118] = "(Amy) Matt sent me a message that says 'I love dongs.' (Matt) I did not! (Andy) 'I love dongs?' That sounds like something you'll have to take up with her.";
r_text[119] = "(Matt) Sweetie, we are going to be spending New Year's in an ass-smelling garage with a bunch of nerds playing computer games. Why wouldn't you want to be there?";
r_text[120] = "(Craig) Coke Zero really doesn't taste like Coke. (Joel) Does it allow you to travel through time? (Craig) That neither.";
r_text[121] = "(Craig) Why do the light cycles kick up dust? (Joel) It's digital dust, and you're getting left in it.";
r_text[122] = "(Matt) I'm bored! I'm getting bored of everything fast! (Cory) That means you're drunk and should drink more.";
r_text[123] = "(Joel) {Playing Chez Geek} I am eating and sleeping. Then I played an RPG that sucked balls. (Magda) Sound's like Andrew's day.";
r_text[124] = "(Joel) Andrew, are you getting stressed out because I'm lighting your parent's house on fire? (Andrew) Maybe. (Tim) That's kind of refreshing actually. (Joel) Yes, now you know how the rest of us have felt for the last ten years.";
r_text[125] = "(Matt) There's no black power, only white power.";
r_text[126] = "(Joel) Peru is in Equador!";
r_text[127] = "(Cory) Ok, so what's the first game of the day? (Erin) The quiet game! Let's all pretend to be rocks!";
r_text[128] = "(Joel) Not the dead guy, the really young guy. (Cory) I like how you say that thirty is really young. (Joel) Well, it's a lot younger than dead.";
r_text[129] = "(Joel) Ahhh! Water everywhere! Matt, take inventory of how destroyed these games are! (Matt) They are 4% destroyed.";
r_text[130] = "(Joel) I want to buy three shares in Continental. (Craig) You can't, you already gutted the company and sold off all the assets.";
r_text[131] = "(Joel) Can I sell favors? (Craig) No, but you can promise them.";
r_text[132] = "(Craig) I played Rock Band a little while ago, and now I have an uncontrollable urge to be a drummer.";
r_text[133] = "(Cory) In this economy, I will be prefacing all my statements with 'As your lawyer.'";
r_text[134] = "(Magda) Why couldn't Pythagoras get a car loan? He couldn't find anyone to cosine!";
r_text[135] = "(Matt) Let's re-establish ourselves, go Craig. (Craig) {Surprised} I'm Meer, I'm half celestial... (Matt) Not who you are, what are you doing!";
r_text[136] = "(Matt) The altar radiates evil. (Craig) What about the candelabras?";
r_text[137] = "(Joel) If Andrew offers you to insert your finger into his bucket and try his white sauce, don't do it!";
r_text[138] = "(Magda) Why is he holding a dildo!? (Cory) It's a sackbut.";
r_text[139] = "(Andy) Andrew is Eric? (Andrew) Yes, A-R-E-K. (Andy) {Writes down} Ugh, E-R-I-C.";
r_text[140] = "(Andy) The traps are trapped.";
r_text[141] = "(Andrew) I feel like I'm in ancient Greece. (Cory) You're always in ancient Greece.";
r_text[142] = "(Cory) I went with a girl to a Unitarian Universalist church. I was worried they wouldn't like that I was an atheist. Then she told me, 'that's Ok, our pastor is an atheist!'";
r_text[143] = "(Andrew) I need a bottle opener. (Cory) Ok, that's not wine though. (Andrew) Oh, it's olive oil.";
r_text[144] = "(Andrew) I never have anything interesting to talk to her about. (Andy) Talk about the turgidity of your bulging member.";
r_text[145] = "(Matt) Everyone in this room is so white that they piss bleach and eat clouds.";
r_text[146] = "(Magda) Andrew! You can't see with those glasses! (Andrew) But I can't see without glasses!";
r_text[147] = "(Matt) Amy doesn't have the patience for people who are complete idiots. (Cory) But she's a special ed teacher!";
r_text[148] = "(Cory) I used to be unsure of Andrew's musical talent. Then one day I said to him 'Andrew! Pause music from Battletoads, go!' And he totally did it. (Joel) He's like the video game music Rainman.";
r_text[149] = "(Joel) {Playing Bananagrams} I've got fart, fart, gaping, and sadist... also, I had incest.";
r_text[150] = "(Craig) I didn't stab him hard, it was more like a light slash. (Joel) Craig, that will never hold up with a jury.";
r_text[151] = "(Joel) There's sausage on my lap! It's everywhere! ...Great, someone just shot another sausage at me.";
r_text[152] = "(Andy) I shouldn't mix alcohol and weed. (Craig) Yeah? Well I'm mixing alcohol and prescription medication.";
r_text[153] = "(Joel) How's the slaving coming, slave?";
r_text[154] = "(Andy) My breath smells like buttholes.";
r_text[155] = "(Andy) Andrew, Do you not have shoe laces because you're regressing in technology or advancing in technology?";
r_text[156] = "(Andrew) I think that would be really cool though, a gun that fires guns. (Andy) Andrew, you've been really into this idea all day.";
r_text[157] = "(Andrew) They pulled a douche on him... I mean a dupe.";
r_text[158] = "(Craig) I don't know if I want to go to a place called Spankies.";
r_text[159] = "(Andrew) What plane do you want? (Craig) Your mom. (Andrew) We don't have that. (Joel) Oh, we do. How about a zeppelin?";
r_text[160] = "(Andrew) I'm used to playing games where you can do something, and then do it. (Joel) {to Craig} Have you ever considered that Andrew might be a spectator sport?";
r_text[161] = "(Magda) Is it a screw-off? (All the boys) hehehehehe... (Magda) What is wrong with you people?";
r_text[162] = "(Cory) Are you going out? If you're going to Little Caesars could you put a quarter in the newspaper stand and take out all the newspapers?";
r_text[163] = "(Cory) Incidentally, I'm not talking to Andrew ever again. (Joel) Why? (Cory) You know that thing about dating a not-to-be-named person being like a job interview in which the most qualified person gets hired? (Joel) Oh, yes. (Cory) Well Andrew's not very good at keeping secrets. (Joel) Ah! I wasn't supposed to know that. Got it.";
r_text[164] = "(Magda) You should try not to damage yourself and other things.";
r_text[300] = "(Matt) Andrew, are you saying you can resist the power of the One Ring? You can't resist the power of a pizza!";
r_text[165] = "(Andy) So what would the alignment be of someone who wants to sleep with his own relatives? (Matt) Chaotic stupid.";
r_text[166] = "(Cory) You know what is so relaxing? Being in the fetal position and rocking back and forth.";
r_text[167] = "(Matt) His cigar is saggy. (Cory) It's a pipe.";
r_text[168] = "(Cory) A sex swing? It's a basket-like swing that allows two riders to sit in such a way that they can... uh... (Joel) I think I saw one in a disturbing French commercial. (Cory) Wait! Andrew's about to say something! (Andrew) Oh yeah, like the kind that they put toddlers into. (Andy) Andrew, you could not have made a more inappropriate statement.";
r_text[169] = "(Valarie) What do you know about calculus? (Joel) I know that I have some on my teeth.";
r_text[170] = "(Andrew) I have two asses of homework to do and one ass to do it with.";
r_text[171] = "(Cory) Accordion is a noon instrument.";
r_text[172] = "(Joel) Unlike Jesus, I'm not going to abandon the flock for the one sheep that went astray... Especially when that one sheep has a history of non-payment.";
r_text[173] = "(Cory) The guys who showed up were hipsters exactly. (Andrew) They probably own fixed gear bikes!";
r_text[174] = "(Cory) From time to time I talk about how proud I am of my gams!";
r_text[175] = "(Andrew) On the other hand, let's do it anyway. (Joel) That's not on the other hand. That's on the same hand.";
r_text[176] = "(Magda) Let's not be anemones, let's cuttlefish.";
r_text[177] = "(Joel) I saw the tie you made; it was a clip-on. (Cory) It's not a clip-on yet, it's not finished. It's a tape-on.";
r_text[178] = "(Magda) But Cory doesn't like confronting people. (Cory) No! I like confronting people when there's rules.";
r_text[179] = "(Joel) I'm so certain that I can't be beaten that I'm just going to give up. (Craig) That's the spirit!";
r_text[180] = "(Andrew) I love Kuzuki, he's almost like a mushroom.";
r_text[181] = "(Matt) Joel's the Rainman! (Joel) You mean I'm the opposite of the Rainman. (Matt) Oh, he's the reverse Rainman. He always gets it wrong.";
r_text[182] = "(Matt) Whose graham crackers are those? (Andrew) I needed them for an overnight day of math.";
r_text[183] = "(Magda) Ooh, helicopter! (Cory) Ooh, tiny helicopter! (Magda) I think it's just far away.";
r_text[184] = "(Cory) Collar?... cowl?... coif? Coif! Yes, that's the word I was looking for. (Joel) No one is ever looking for that word.";
r_text[185] = "(Joel) Cory, you're like this huge wine guy, but I've never drunk any with you. (Magda) That's because by the time you get here it's all gone already.";
r_text[186] = "(Cory) I didn't just try to make a hat, I succeeded in making a hat. (Craig) That was a hat? I thought that was just a bag people were wearing as a hat!";
r_text[187] = "(Magda) After awhile I find that I start talking to tape.";
r_text[188] = "(Joel) I find it amazing that world history in America is so Eurocentric. I mean, so much higher order knowledge was brought by Islamic cultures, and the Chinese came up with practically every pragmatic invention known to man. (Craig) Well, the important thing is that then the Europeans stole them, and then used them to kick their asses.";
r_text[189] = "(Joel) {In his best announcer voice} It looks like the player is running to the ball! (Andy) That has to be the most trite sports commentary I have ever heard.";
r_text[190] = "(Cory) Ugh, the scanner is still sticky with applesauce. (Joel) You tried to scan applesauce?";
r_text[191] = "(Andrew) It's not the power behind the shuffle. (Craig) But the shuffle is behind the power?";
r_text[192] = "(Craig) You got some glitter on your face there. (Joel) Yes, I put it there... it makes me look sexy.";
r_text[193] = "(Andrew) I can't right now because I'm busy being told off.";
r_text[194] = "(Andrew) I was doing something that was completely unnecessary. It was a gratuitous use of a piece. (Craig) That sounds like something from a police report.";
r_text[195] = "(Craig) Joel, I have something to show you. Look at the title of this physics lecture... let's see, how many of these 19 words do we actually understand... 7. Less than half!";
r_text[196] = "(Andrew) I think that the question you are trying to ask is not the one that you are asking. (Joel) Andrew, I love you physically.";
r_text[197] = "(Magda) You got to be a certain way to do these things and put up with that other crap.";
r_text[198] = "(Matt) That's fine, they have to learn to deal with these things. Even normal people sometimes get left at hotels.";
r_text[199] = "(Magda) What happened to my five dollars? (Cory) I turned it into two dollars!";
r_text[200] = "(Matt) It has to have dwarves, axes, and be extremely manly... and beards!";
r_text[201] = "(Matt) You didn't think I could possibly be that stupid, but that's exactly how stupid I was.";
r_text[202] = "(Cory) That's how I feel every day. (Matt) Hard?";
r_text[203] = "(Joel) I demand the floor! (Cory) Magda, put Joel on the floor.";
r_text[204] = "(Andrew) I'm going to take five and build a manor. (Joel) You don't have any manners.";
r_text[205] = "(Matt) If you had to write on a form 'what is your highest education level,' what would you put? (Cory) A.A. (Matt) So you have an A.A.? (Cory) No.";
r_text[206] = "(Cory) You look bored and purple.";
r_text[207] = "(Cory) I'll be able to talk to someone in Australia off the strato... what's that sphere? (Joel) Stratosphere.";
r_text[208] = "(Joel) I don't want to think of a sexual scenario where Andrew is playing 'left field.'";
r_text[209] = "(Magda) I need a color. (Joel) What's that orange one? (Cory) Orange.";
r_text[210] = "(Andrew) I can't find my hobo-tool.";
r_text[211] = "(Matt) Where do I put the yuckies?";
r_text[212] = "(Cory) I cannot confirm or deny it, although I can confirm or deny it. (Joel) That's a very cryptic way of saying no.";
r_text[213] = "(Amy) I'm going to stay up in the tent and read. (Matt) I'm going to stay up in the tent and fart.";
r_text[214] = "(Matt) There's a lot of pills here. (Joel) Well, people have a lot of problems. (Andy) And all of them can be solved with pills!";
r_text[215] = "(Matt) I can't shuffle for religious reasons. It's Ramadan. (Joel) He has to wait until after sundown.";
r_text[216] = "(Matt) Andy and I have a plan for tomorrow. We are calling it plan D.A.D. (Joel) Plan dad? (Matt) Yes, drunk all day.";
r_text[217] = "(Andy) Your list implies we should each bring bears and a Joel. (Cory) Good point, Andy. Don't forget to bring a Joel.";
r_text[218] = "(Craig) Seriously though, I eat these things like candy. (Matt) They are candy.";
r_text[219] = "(Andy) I'm having trouble, and I can't see anymore. (Joel) Is it because I'm pelvic thrusting across your field of vision?";
r_text[220] = "(Matt) Point, counter-point! Make an argument! (Joel) Ok, Mexico is a country. (Matt) Your mother is large enough to be a country!";
r_text[221] = "(Craig) {What do these three things have in common} Jiminy Cricket, Mary Poppins, The Penguin. (Joel) Oh! Villians from Batman!";
r_text[222] = "(Matt) I see the Clangers have joined us. {blank stares} It's a British claymation cartoon show?... I guess I couldn't have expected anyone besides me to know that.";
r_text[223] = "(Joel) I want to be on a team with Asperger Rainman!";
r_text[224] = "(Joel) I need to find something classy to wad up and put in this wedding gift. (Erin) That really isn't the right attitude to have.";
r_text[225] = "(Cory) Remember Amy, you can't spell slaughter without laughter.";
r_text[226] = "(Craig) Cory, I swear, if you urinate in this bottle I will lose all respect for you.";
r_text[227] = "(Joel) I pull the frog out of the box. How's it looking? (Matt) It's nearly dead. (Joel) Oh no! I need to revive it. I take my magical jug and pour water on it. (Matt) It now looks wet. (Joel) It's not better? (Matt) No. (Joel) Oh wait, that's plants!";
r_text[228] = "(Andy) I run after it! (Matt) You are attempting to track a leprechaun. Legends tell how difficult leprechauns are to catch. (Andy) F*** it Matt, then I give up.";
r_text[229] = "(Matt) It's psinomancy; it's very expensive. Amy is taking classes by mail. (Joel) That sounds like a pyramid scheme.";
r_text[230] = "(Craig) I'm not gay, I'm half celestial.";
r_text[231] = "(Matt) Does anyone remember who enslaved Andy?";
r_text[232] = "(Joel) I have more orafices than you do bones!";
r_text[233] = "(Matt) Night falls. (Andrew) I take cover... I don't want it to land on me.";
r_text[234] = "(Andrew) I cast light. (Craig) Oh yeah? Well I cast daylight!";
r_text[235] = "(Cory) Andrew is moist because when you high five him he releases copious amounts of fluid.";
r_text[236] = "(Jim) You know what they call a ring of charged iron? A ferrous wheel.";
r_text[237] = "(Matt) Yay! Go racism! Oh, you made me lose my man!";
r_text[238] = "(Andy) This is Jon von Penisstein. One day I'm going to make a children's book in which this new fantasy character waves his secreting dong in the faces of children everywhere. (Joel) You should make it a pop-up book.";
r_text[239] = "(Cory) Matt, there will be a fire waiting when you come out of the closet. (Matt) What do you think sweetie? Should I come out of the closet?";
r_text[240] = "(Cory) {Hands Joel a cup} That beer is totally wasted if you don't pour it into a glass. (Joel) But this is plastic. (Cory) Ugh, then pour it into a plastic!";
r_text[241] = "(Andy) Is this concrete? (Cory) No, it's filth.";
r_text[242] = "(Joel) What was the guy's name we bought the table from? (Andy) Mr. Miyagi. (Andrew) What was Mr. Miyagi's first name? (Cory) His name's not actually Miyagi, we're just being racist.";
r_text[243] = "(Andrew) I am young and dumb. (Andy) Young, dumb, and ugly! (Andrew) Exactly, I squeeze my toothpaste tubes from the middle.";
r_text[244] = "(Joel) I have been charged by Magda to pick you up at 7:45. (Andrew) I can't afford that. (Joel) OK, what time can you afford? (Andrew) Wha- Oh, I thought you were charging me to be picked up. (Joel) No, I'm going to be there at 7:45. (Andrew) Crap, that's in like 15 minutes. (Joel) It's 6:30, Andrew.";
r_text[245] = "(Magda) Why did you just pour that on me? (Andy) I didn't, I poured it on the cat. (Magda) Then why am I wet now?";
r_text[246] = "(Andy) Why don't we have a ladder in here? I'd climb the hell out of that bitch. (Magda) That's why.";
r_text[247] = "(Joel) What should I draw? (Andrew) Draw a new card. (Joel) I meant a picture.";
r_text[248] = "(Cory) Does anyone know what time it is? (Joel) Nine thirty. (Cory) You have a waterproof watch? (Joel) No, that's probably what time it was when I got in the pool.";
r_text[249] = "(Magda) Can you move all those trashbags to the dumpster? (Joel) Your mother. (Magda) Of course. (Joel) I mean yes. Sorry, it's pretty much instinctive at this point. (Magda) Of course.";
r_text[250] = "(Joel) It's kind of like using an iPad instead of a hammer and chisel.";
r_text[251] = "(Andrew) I was just calling because I think it would be cool if we blew up some batteries... and I was wondering, why have we never tried to do that?";
r_text[252] = "(Magda) I want you to help me, not make me super stressed out. (Joel) Well, you shouldn't have invited us.";
r_text[253] = "(Andrew) I'm somehow reminded of Othar Tryggvassen. (Matt) By what? (Andrew) I don't know. (Matt) By nothing, OK.";
r_text[254] = "(Joel) Magda sounded perplexed, befuddled, and confounded... perhaps Andrew just told her a joke.";
r_text[255] = "(Joel) This LAN party has failed, because Craig has just arrived at the Laramie River.";
r_text[256] = "(Joel) Pizza! (Andrew) OH... MY... GOSH! (Joel) Andrew knows what he wants in life... oh, wait he's just talking about the Wii.";
r_text[257] = "(Matt) Andrew you are insane, David Bowie is awesome!";
r_text[258] = "(Andy) But then I'm gonna puke my pants!";
r_text[259] = "(Matt) You need to listen to the angel on your right shoulder Andrew, not the devil on the left. (Andrew) I don't have an angel and devil, just two guys in suits. (Andy) Why doesn't this surprise me? (Matt) A clown on one shoulder and Willie Nelson on the other?";
r_text[260] = "(Joel) I'll put my metal up against anyone's meat.";
r_text[261] = "(Joel) Infantry may be hard to kill but... (Cory) But? (Joel) Oh, did I just say an ellipsis? (Everyone) Yes. (Joel) Wow, ok.";
r_text[262] = "(Cory) You know you could make a mold of these so you don't have to buy more. (Joel) These ARE from molds. These are all self-molded by me!";
r_text[263] = "(Matt) Andrew, look, Andy is an irresponsible person. No, you can't drive our car.";
r_text[264] = "(Jim) When it's quiet... do you still hear the tuba? Calling to you from the black?";
r_text[265] = "(Andrew) I see you purchased the Goldeen bedroom set as well.";
r_text[266] = "(Joel) Do you really think you should assault anti-tank guns with tanks? (Matt) When you say it it sounds insane!";
r_text[267] = "(Matt) {Watching the World Cup} Which one's which? (Andy) What? Are you serious?... The black guys are Cameroon, the white guys are Japan.";
r_text[268] = "(Joel) I breathe fire on him! (Matt) Ok, give me a roll. (Joel) 14. (Matt) The goblin is stunned by the attack and steps back... (Andrew) You forgot to add your +14 bonus. (Joel) Oh, 28. (Matt) The goblin screams in agony as his flesh melts clean off...";
r_text[269] = "(Cory) As an adventurer I find that rods and staffs comfort me.";
r_text[270] = "(Matt) So you proceed to use your sacred and beloved weapon to try and pry open a chest.";
r_text[271] = "(Cory) Flying buttresses? (Matt) Naw, the regular kind.";
r_text[272] = "(Joel) Matt, if you are thinking about changing my alignment remember that I didn't completely kill that last guy.";
r_text[273] = "(Andy) You can't attribute those quotes to me because both of them I stole from someone else. You can quote that though.";
r_text[274] = "(Andy) I'm Catholic in the same way that an elephant born in a tree is a bird.";
r_text[275] = "(Andy) That's as gay as eight guys f***ing nine guys.";
r_text[276] = "(Matt) There are many women that you could call a 'blue ball machine.'";
r_text[277] = "(Andrew) As long as you are careful you can do basically anything!";
r_text[278] = "(Andrew) No one should mind peeing that much.";
r_text[279] = "(Andy) You know, it really wouldn't be that difficult to release a greased up pig into Andrew's apartment.";
r_text[280] = "(Craig) I can fit in around the Wii. (Joel) That's what she said.";
r_text[281] = "(Andrew) I threw a rock into the pond. (Joel) Which pond? (Andrew) This one. (Joel) This is the ocean.";
r_text[282] = "(Craig) I shuffle this way so they don't get clumped up. (Joel) Did you just say crunked up?";
r_text[283] = "(Matt) I am going to continue wearing this kilt because it is liberating. Also, then everyone can see my hot turquoise underwear.";
r_text[284] = "(Joel) You got to remember, it's not about getting kills, it's about not getting negative modifiers. (Andy) Yeah, one's like 'all points forfeited.'";
r_text[285] = "(Joel) Isn't the con great? Someone just came by and handed me this soda. (Craig) I just paid ten dollars for chicken fingers. It's like everything here is either really overpriced or completely free.";
r_text[286] = "(Andrew) Craig, I need to walk through you.";
r_text[287] = "(Joel) Andy, you brought crappy Merlot in a Nalgene bottle?";
r_text[288] = "(Andy) Do you want to play Dungeon Lords at nine? (Joel) What the hell is Dungeon Lords? That sounds incredibly BDSM.";
r_text[289] = "(Andrew) Magda never overdraws her bank account, I strategically overdraw mine.";
r_text[300] = "(Andrew) {produces and plays an accordion} (Cory) I would kill my family for that kind of innate talent!";
r_text[290] = "(Cory) Nerf the rocks! (Joel) What does nerf mean? (Cory) What does nerf mean to you? It means to take something and make it out of foam.";
r_text[291] = "(Matt) Oh yeah, squeeze those melons. (Andrew) That's how you can tell if they're ripe.";
r_text[292] = "(Andrew) This card is supposed to look like this other card, except I changed the picture... and the stats, and the text.";
r_text[293] = "(Joel) When are we going to permanently upload ourselves into the giant ubiquitous internet? (Craig) Well, there are some people who have kinda done that already.";
r_text[294] = "(Matt) That's like a garbage stat for you, isn't it? (Andrew) But it's my best stat!";
r_text[295] = "(Joel) Is any of this music actually happening, or is there a magical carousel in my head?";
r_text[296] = "(Andrew) I've made myself look constipated for a bit, so I've powered up.";
r_text[297] = "(Andrew) The chickens eat the shells of their young? (Cory) Like the celebrities that eat their placentas! ...I just made myself sick and not want to eat anymore.";
r_text[298] = "(Cory) If a planet was chasing me at a quarter of my speed I would still be scared sh!tless.";
r_text[299] = "(Craig) Hang on, I'm getting really into solving these linear algebra matrices.";
r_text[300] = "(Andy) As a good geologist I don't want to ruin formations for generations to come, like Joel is doing for instance.";
r_text[301] = "(Andy) We're going on a quest for more money!";
r_text[302] = "(Matt) Did you know that the San Francisco Philharmonic is doing... (Joel) Your mother?";
r_text[303] = "(Matt) There's nobody else in the world named David. (Joel) We know three other people named David!";
r_text[304] = "(Joel) Ooo, it actually creamed. I didn't think it would do that.";
r_text[305] = "(Craig) You sound like you are homeless... now you look like you are homeless.";
r_text[306] = "(Joel) I can't get as long as Craig, because Craig is just so long.";
r_text[307] = "(Matt) Andrew, I can always trust you to bring me the latest in comedy.";
r_text[308] = "(Matt) Why do you have so many key rings? (Andrew) I was trying to make chain mail.";
r_text[309] = "(Joel) I don't even know where to buy LSD. (Matt) I don't even know how to take LSD!";
r_text[310] = "(Matt) Ahh! This is exactly how you don't stop fighting!";
r_text[311] = "(Matt) I feel like a woman hitting my head on the glass ceiling like this.";
r_text[312] = "(Andrew) I need a reasonably sized epic. (Craig) Isn't that a contradiction?";
r_text[313] = "(Fortune Cookie) Alas! You are the apple of my eye.";
r_text[314] = "(Joel) What did he say? (Matt) I don't know what he said! I just gave a knowing laugh, that's what I always do when I don't know why people are talking to me.";
r_text[315] = "(Matt) You don't get victory points for having a giant boobie doll.";
r_text[316] = "(Magda) Look, I have marmalade in my purse. Help me!";
r_text[317] = "(Joel) He doesn't like white people? (Andrew) He doesn't like hosting for a lot of people.";
r_text[318] = "(Joel) So you see why this bike is so troubling to me. It challenges my very understanding of existence. (Craig) Just give it to Andrew and don't worry about it.";
r_text[319] = "(Matt) Andrew, I have a really important question that I haven't asked yet. How big is my demon penis? (Jim) Roll a D4.";
r_text[320] = "(Cory) That's how I woke up this morning. I was human, with no class, with a penis.";
r_text[321] = "(Matt) He keeps missing because he's using missiles. He should be using hittiles.";
r_text[322] = "(Andrew) You come to a path that breaks in a Y. (Joel) I want to go down both paths. (Andrew) Are you a quantum particle? (Joel) No. (Andrew) Roll a D-one million... you fail.";
r_text[323] = "(Matt) Is he offended that I said his dimension sucks? (Andrew) No, he knows perfectly well that it sucks.";
r_text[324] = "(Joel) They all had in common some kind of bizarre physical animality. (Craig) Did you mean to say anomaly or abnormality? ...Because animality is a finishing move in Mortal Kombat.";
r_text[325] = "(Joel) That's like saying I'm going to eat $500 worth of candy! No, I guess it's not like saying that, but if it was, that would be awesome!";
r_text[326] = "(Andrew) I think my character has sufficiently failed in existing. (Craig) Sufficiently failed in existing... so he's dead?";
r_text[327] = "(Andy) What's that country? (Joel) That's the Caspian Sea.";
r_text[328] = "(Andrew) It's hard to control Europe, it's just so liberal.";
r_text[329] = "(Matt) It implies that the loser is killed and eaten, when in actuality the players are just sad and don't get girlfriends.";
r_text[330] = "(Andrew) What the hell was that? (Craig) That, my friend, was a wedgie.";
r_text[331] = "(Matt) I have to use the pan in five minutes. (Andy) Don't worry, I'll be done in ten minutes.";
r_text[332] = "(Andy) It's sweet! (Magda) What's sweet? (Andy) Everything! And your mom also. (Matt) Andy, you've been drinking haven't you?";
r_text[333] = "(Matt) I graduated, I got a degree in history. Now I'm going back for a degree in public history. (Joel) It's so he can make even less money.";
r_text[334] = "(Joel) That is super-college-geeky... nerd... esque.";
r_text[335] = "(Andy) Joel, would you say that our pizza from Xtreme Pizza was extreme? (Joel) I think I would say it was extremely unsatisfying. (Andy) I was about to say the same thing.";
r_text[336] = "(Andy) I called Nina a sexist because she wouldn't let me hold her purse. (Matt) That's because she thought you would steal it.";
r_text[337] = "(Joel) Andrew is in a game of Twilight Imperium, so we'll meet up with him in two days.";
r_text[338] = "(Matt) We're going to go get food, but we don't know where we're going. (Joel) But where are you going?";
r_text[339] = "(Craig) I'll just leave you with one sentence: roll for anal circumference.";
r_text[340] = "(Craig) I'm going to make you a star! (Joel) All you have to do is adopt him... because your character's last name is Star.";
r_text[341] = "(Matt) I was just thinking how dirty it would be for two gay lovers to adopt each other just to make it incest.";
r_text[342] = "(Matt) Where did my spoon go? (Craig) There is no spoon.";
r_text[343] = "(Joel) I'm going to get the cheapest gun that I can't carry... what? (Nina) I hear you creating irresponsible characters.";
r_text[344] = "(Nina) She's holding a daikon at the end. (Joel) Is that what that was? I was wondering why everyone was holding phallic objects.";
r_text[345] = "(Craig) I don't want to judge. (Professor) Why? Because the man's corpulence is enough to stop a train?";
r_text[346] = "(Joel) Beck speaks to me. (Matt) Too bad he doesn't make any sense. (Andrew) You can't understand the words, but that's because the message is too strong.";
r_text[347] = "(Joel) You seem to either already know what I'm talking about, or you are just nodding so that I get on with my turn. (Craig) Both, actually.";
r_text[348] = "(Joel) Everything smells distinctly of feces. (Craig) The entrance to the Engineering Department is over there. (Joel) What? Are the two concepts related?";
r_text[349] = "(Matt) Yeah, the game doesn't let you wear the skins of your fallen enemies. That's a shame.";
r_text[350] = "(Nina) Go ADD! (Matt) No, you mean OCD. (Nina) Go OCD! (Craig) If you really had OCD you would have insisted on getting that right.";
r_text[351] = "(Craig) Hey Matt, I hate to admit this in such a public forum, but I started playing Pokemon again.";
r_text[352] = "(Nina) Please you barbarians stop eating the condiments!";
r_text[353] = "(Joel) I can't see what he's doing but I can hear the shenanigans.";
r_text[354] = "(Andy) Ferrets are felines! Matt, help me out here. (Matt) Carrots are not felines. (Andy) No, ferrets are felines. (Matt) Parrots are birds.";
r_text[355] = "(Matt) Who votes for Magic? ...Ok, that's seven. That is going to be hard to beat considering that there's only five people here.";
r_text[356] = "(Joel) Andrew, what does T with arms mean? (Andrew) Ho. (Joel) What does ho mean? (Andrew) Katakana. (Joel) What does katakana mean? (Andrew) The alphabet. (Joel) Someday he'll define it in a way I understand.";
r_text[357] = "(Andrew) That's a diaper shot! (Matt) Wow, I thought you were going to say super hot.";
r_text[358] = "(Matt) It's doing a combination of both grapple and grope. Gropple?";
r_text[359] = "(Matt) Andy's going to be super-duper high. You don't even need the monsters manual. He'll come up with his own monsters.";
r_text[360] = "(Andrew) You are on a red plain. Mountains are in the distance. Suddenly, Loki the god of mischief appears before you... (Joel) Wait! What's my character?";
r_text[361] = "(Joel) Is Andy getting beer? (Andrew) Uh, I don't know. He's going to the store. So... yes.";
r_text[362] = "(Matt) We're going to walk into a popular restaurant in costume, just like on Halloween, except that it won't be Halloween. (Joel) So we're going to look like dorks?";
r_text[363] = "(Andrew) My apologies for making things complicated. (Magda) But you always do that.";
r_text[364] = "(Spirited Away) He just keeps getting bigger! (Craig & Joel) {high-five} Yeah!";
r_text[365] = "(Joel) I want to trade for Tundra Wolves. (Amy) What are Tundra Wolves? (Matt) It's a one-one with first strike. (Amy) I didn't understand any of that.";
r_text[366] = "(Matt) I have a $25 Target gift card, but I'm not going to use it on Pokemon cards, that's dorky. I'm going to use it on the Nerf broadsword instead!";
r_text[367] = "(Joel) Your dubious attitude regarding what to do next implies that we've never been this far before.";
r_text[368] = "(Andrew) We can hand off in Riyadh, then we can cure the blacks.";
r_text[369] = "(Joel) Your life story sounds a lot like mine, just replace L.A. with Sacramento and dropped out with graduated.";
r_text[370] = "(Andrew) Magda, stop complimenting Andy. He's going to get good self esteem.";
r_text[371] = "(Andy) One of these days he'll get big enough. (Craig) That's what she said.";
r_text[372] = "(Joel) Can I fly that piece of crap plane you have? (Matt) Which one?";
r_text[373] = "(Joel) There's a D&D book for over 30s? (Andrew) Over level 30, not age 30.";
r_text[374] = "(Matt) How are the shields? (Andrew) The shields have been disabled sir. (Matt) What happened to the sub woofer? (Joel) The sub woofer has been disabled sir.";
r_text[375] = "(Andrew) I don't have time to read because all my time is spent not reading.";
r_text[376] = "(Scott) Is there anything to drink besides alcohol? (Joel) Maybe, I think there's water.";
r_text[377] = "(Matt) The penislith will be so tall, the clouds themselves will be the spooge.";
r_text[378] = "(Craig) I'm going to play the hip new indy games I got during the Steam sale. (Joel) I'm going to play Dwarf Fortress and never be heard from again.";
r_text[379] = "(Joel) If I survive this I'll have a chance to retreat to safety. (Matt) What, toward the safety of my machine guns?";
r_text[380] = "(Andy) Andrew just turned my Leman Russ into an immobilized heavy bolter facing the wrong direction.";
r_text[381] = "(Magda) What are you eating? (Joel) Your cookies. (Magda) Those aren't my cookies. (Joel) Oh? Well... I'm just going to keep eating them. (Andrew) I need the rest of those! (Joel) The rest of the cookies? You glutton! (Erin) He needs the rest of the cards, and those cookies are mine.";
r_text[382] = "(Andrew) I can make you a deck of all fireballs. (Matt) Produce it right now, from your person! (Andrew) {Prrrrrrrraaaapppp} (Matt) This is the worst Christmas ever.";
r_text[383] = "(Joel) What is the Doctor holding? (Andrew) It's a gimmicky gadget. (Joel) Like everything you own.";
r_text[384] = "(Joel) I suck at this game of random chance.";
r_text[385] = "(Amy) Jim's not coming. (Magda) Maybe we should have given him something? (Joel) I told him I'd give him a hand job. (Craig) And that's why he isn't here.";
r_text[386] = "(Craig) That's a dogsled? That looks like you drew two... guys... (Andrew) I lost because I shouldn't have drawn that dogsled. (Joel) Oh, you won. You just won a different game. (Andrew) I don't want to win that game.";
r_text[387] = "(Andrew) Wait, Magda wants the phone... nevermind, she wants money.";
r_text[388] = "(Cory) Remember last 4th of July when I did fire creamer? Next year I'm doing fire poi. (Joel) Do even know how to do regular poi? (Cory) You probably won't be dissapointed. (Matt) Are you sure we're going to be dissapointed or grieving?";
r_text[389] = "(Craig) Oh, that's a counter spell. (Andrew) That is not a counter spell! (Craig) It says right here 'counter target spell.'";
r_text[390] = "(Erin) I fed the baby snails. (Joel) What do they eat? (Erin) I don't know. (Joel) Then how do you know you fed them? (Erin) I gave them a wafer, and they're not dead yet.";
r_text[391] = "(Joel) It smells like lobsters in here.";
r_text[392] = "(Joel) See? Beans! I told you we'd see beans. (Erin) You never said we'd see beans.";
r_text[393] = "(Cory) Take any restaurant, you can replace the theme with anything else and it's no different. What makes Outback Steakhouse Australian food? It could just as easily be Pirate themed. (Craig) What would you call the Bloomin' Onion? (Joel) How about the Doubloomin' Onion. (Cory) I think... that gave me cancer.";
r_text[394] = "(Andrew) I never went back the same way, but I always found a way to go slightly the wrong direction. (Magda) Why do I feel like you're reciting a country song?";
r_text[395] = "(Matt) We're all redditors here so this isn't even a conversation.";
r_text[396] = "(Amy) Matt, how much pie is left? (Matt) This pie has 50% left, and this one has 75% left, according to these pie graphs.";
r_text[397] = "(Joel) Don't put the turkey away. (Matt) Amy said so. (Joel) I was going to pick at that. (Matt) I was too, but Amy won't have it.";
r_text[398] = "(Matt) You should light Andy's hair on fire. (Cory) Then he would have hair like yours, Matt.";
r_text[399] = "(Joel) I wanted to. (Cory) I wanted you to too. (Joel) Hehe, you said 'to' two times. (Cory) Hehe, you said ‘to’ two times too! (Joel) Now you said 'to' three times! (Cory) And now it's over.";
r_text[400] = "(Cory) So the bartender says to the guy, I bet you can't lick your own elbow. (Erin) I can lick my own elbow... Oh, no I can't. (Andy) See, this is how communism started. Someone said, 'then let us lick each other's elbows.'";
r_text[401] = "(Matt) Everyone raise your hand if you've had a good Spanksgiving. (Andy) Yes, everyone raise your chubby, sausage-like fingers.";
r_text[402] = "(Joel) What's the 'Iron Gate?' Is it as cool as it sounds? (Erin) It's... covered parking.";
r_text[403] = "(Matt) Asking Joel to buy me PaK 38's for Christmas is like having dad ask you to go out to the barn to get his whippin' switch.";
r_text[404] = "(Matt) So, what have you guys been doing up here? (Joel) We were fighting some guys and they didn't want to get fought so we killed them.";
r_text[405] = "(Jim) Andrew is going to charge that guy. (Matt) Charge him for all the purchases!";
r_text[406] = "(Jim) The bandit looks angrily at you. (Andrew) I bet he would! I'm going to keep eyeing him... like, that bastard.";
r_text[407] = "(Matt) I'm going to start stabbing like my life depends on it which it does.";
r_text[408] = "(Matt) Now I'm the second-most moist gnome in the party.";
r_text[409] = "(Jim) You're all familiar with each other. (Joel) How familiar? (Matt) There were heavy undertones to that question.";
r_text[410] = "(Matt) Andrew, you're cutting straight towards yourself. (Andy) He's doing fine! (Matt) He's going to cut himself open and bleed. (Andy) He's got plenty of blood!";
r_text[411] = "(Jim) I haven't been able to go to the bathroom for the last half hour because Andrew has been in it. (Andy) Hey guys. Man, someone just committed a crime in the bathroom!";
r_text[412] = "(Andrew) I provide fun to my enemies.";
r_text[413] = "(Andy) Look on the bright side, it gives you you're percent daily value of... partially hydrogenated soybean oil.";
r_text[414] = "(Joel) Andrew, are you ready? Everyone is waiting for you. (Andrew) Oh my gosh! I haven't done anything!";
r_text[415] = "(Joel) How do I play this game? (Andy) You're a bear, you just do bear things. (Joel) So this hatchback I'm driving? (Andy) Just do bear things, eat berries and fish. (Joel) In a hatchback? (Andy) Yeah. (Joel) And these other bears also tearing ass around the forest in cars? (AndY) Yeah, they're bears.";
r_text[416] = "(Andy) I rolled a... zero. (Cory) So, what? (Andy) Ok, so you roll three dice, totally unmodified, and if any of those dice are above zero, you win.";
r_text[417] = "(Cory) You can just have my dog, he's a Great Dane. (Craig) Yeah, well I like Great Danes. (Joel) But he's blind! (Cory) No, deaf. (Joel) And also incontinent! (Cory) Only when he's having a seizure. (Craig) Nevermind.";
r_text[418] = "(Matt) Bowie! Get your Bowie out of my Bowie.";
r_text[419] = "(Matt) We need more actual potluck food so we don't all die of starvation during Doomed Legion Thanksppgiving. (Amy) Did you just call it spanksgiving? (Matt) Yes! It will be called Doomed Legion Spanksgiving!";
r_text[420] = "(Joel) Gold ore! I can just smelt it.";
r_text[421] = "(Andy) Aaaagh! It's all clogged with pills!";
r_text[422] = "(Andrew) You should bring the TARDIS to your wedding. (Matt) Why? (Andrew) Because it's something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.";
r_text[423] = "(Andrew) I spent a few hours coming up with how I was going to do this while I was thinking about it.";
r_text[424] = "(Joel) Alright, I'm going to the can. (Magda) With my phone? (Joel) I need something to read while I'm in there. (Magda) Then bring my book. (Joel) But the phone screen can just be wiped off. You can't wash paper. (Magda) That's disturbing.";
r_text[425] = "(Erin) This display was also built by a child. Are those people sleeping? No, maybe they were killed in the car crash. (Cory) Wow, that child is really dark. (Joel) Cory! Stop being racist!";
r_text[426] = "(Tim) Where are you? (Andrew) Nowhere. (Tim) You're at your place?";
r_text[427] = "(Andrew) Hello, I would like ten thousand napkins please! (Clerk) Ten thousand? (Andrew) Well, twenty will do... ten if they're big.";
r_text[428] = "(Erin) Where did you get candy? (Joel) Magda gave me the option to either be given experience points or candy. I made my choice, and I still stick by it.";
r_text[429] = "(Magda) Who are you? (Andrew) You may call me Detseyov. (Madga) Do I have to?";
r_text[430] = "(Craig) I walk up and attempt to taste the hot pocket Golem.";
r_text[431] = "(Andrew) Are you Gendru the sorcerer? (Andy) What is that? (Andrew) It's a name. (Andy) What's a name? (Andrew) Then you are not Gendru the sorcerer.";
r_text[432] = "(Magda) Did ya feel that? (Joel) Did Andrew fart? (Magda) There was an earthquake. I haven't heard from him today, maybe he wanted to communicate seismically.";
r_text[433] = "(Andrew) I have to go because I need to either continue sleeping or go to work.";
r_text[434] = "(Andrew) I need someone to drive me home. (Cory) You should butter up Matt... and I mean that literally. (Matt) If Andrew TOUCHES me with butter!";
r_text[435] = "(Joel) How is Andrew here? (Andrew) Magda convinced me to come and gave me a ride. She even said she would drive me home. (Magda) I did not!";
r_text[436] = "(Joel) Bidoof! Really? Is that a real Pokemon!?... Oh, it is... It looks like a hairy... beaver. Oh dear.";
r_text[437] = "(Joel) Hehe, so are you really drinking like in this image? (Nina) I'm at work. (Joel) Ok... So, are you?";
r_text[438] = "(Joel) Do I play Far Cry? No. A more affirmative question would have been 'do you play Dwarf Fortress?' However, nobody really plays Dwarf Fortress. It's more like a personal transformation. A better expression of the question would be 'have you accepted Dwarf Fortress into your life?'";
r_text[439] = "(Amy) Do you like it? (Matt) I intend to.";
r_text[440] = "(Magda) It focuses on people, which is a girly kind of thing. (Joel) Instead of on penises, which is a manly kind of thing.";
r_text[441] = "(Andrew) {Farts} (Tim) Dude, that sounded nasty! (Andrew) It was. (Tim) It sounded like you sh!t yourself. (Andrew) I may have...";
r_text[442] = "(Andrew) I'm gonna have to use the bathroom when we get inside. (Tim) No sh!t? (Andrew) No, lots of sh!t.";
r_text[443] = "(Joel) Let me help you put this in perspective. 700 billion, that's almost one trillion, and that's like... a huge number.";
r_text[444] = "(Joel) A rotary grater! Imagine all the things we could grate! (Erin) Wow, that would be great. (Joel) Heh, I see what you did there.";
r_text[445] = "(Joel) Andrew, it would appear our journey both began and ended here at the Jack in the Box on Winton.";
r_text[446] = "(Matt) Oh my god Andrew, either you leave with that in your hand, or you're never leaving this house at all... oh wait, that's not a good idea.";
r_text[447] = "(Joel) There's going to be like ten thousand bivouacs!... I don't think that's ever been said before.";
r_text[448] = "(Andy) What's 'Freespace?' (Craig) The best space combat simulator of all time. (Jim) I'm sorry, you mispronounced 'X-wing versus Tie Fighter.'";
r_text[449] = "(Joel) This game is biased against people who don't know how to play.";
r_text[450] = "(Andrew) If you talk to Craig tell him to ignore the messages I left him. (Joel) If I know Craig, he has.";
r_text[451] = "(Andy) Angelina messaged me. (Joel) Oh? What did she say? (Andy) 'You suck.'";
r_text[452] = "(Cory) It takes one megasecond. (Matt) What? (Cory) Oh, haha. Milisecond. A megasecond is 11 days.";
r_text[453] = "(Matt) The state of the toilet bowl is shameful! Someone should be put to death!";
r_text[454] = "(Craig) Ohhhh! I'm going to Robert Yates this sh!t!";
r_text[455] = "(Andy) Joel, with nothing more than a single twist, I could make you owe the hotel five dollars. (Joel) And the towels you soiled already won't?";
r_text[456] = "(Matt) Did you know I slept in the bathroom? I feel a combination of both shame and grit.";
r_text[457] = "(Andrew) Man, there's not enough magical places. (Andy) That's generally true. (Matt) When I'm looking for a magical place I find it in the smile of a child.";
r_text[458] = "(Andrew) Remember last night when you said 'what are the odds someone died in this room?' (Joel) No. (Andrew) One in one. (Joel) Are you... going to kill us? (Matt) Murder! Murder!";
r_text[459] = "(Andrew) Matt, I need you to know that despite that I had no way to relate to what you were talking about, I was riveted!";
r_text[460] = "(Joel) If Andrew ever dies, I'm going to kill myself, because there will be nothing left to live for.";
r_text[461] = "(Cory) I want a room that I'm allowed to stay in. (Joel) You're staying in a room right now. (Cory) I want a room where no one finds it awkward that I'm in it. (Joel) Then why the hell are you in my bed!?";
r_text[462] = "(Matt) What the hell? You have to have a raft to win a raft race!";
r_text[463] = "(Joel) Oh dear. What exactly is in this sandwich? (Andrew) It's meat surrounding a chick... en.";
r_text[464] = "(Andrew) There was a guy called the prince of peace... hmmm... who was it? (Joel) Jesus? (Andrew) No... John Lennon!";
r_text[465] = "(Andrew) I only drink Pepsi and Coke. (Craig) Why is that? (Andrew) Because I'm a loser.";
r_text[466] = "(Joel) Craig, you should take those cookies off the air conditioner while we're gone or they might get too cold and freeze the building down.";
r_text[467] = "(Andrew) Cory called, he wants me to give you a raspberry. (Andy) What is a raspberry? (Andrew) A bilabial fricative.";
r_text[468] = "(Joel) Seriously Andrew, what is a raspberry? (Andrew) George Carlin would know that's what is was called. (Joel) Of course George Carlin would know what it was called, and that you would know that he would know what it was called.";
r_text[469] = "(Andy) Is it legal for you to park there? (Cory) I parked on Freedom Street! Freedom!";
r_text[470] = "(Joel) What is that? (Cory) That was going to be a spoon, but it isn't yet, so it's a stick.";
r_text[471] = "(Joel) This is like gold farming in World of Warcraft, except that unlike World of Warcraft I'm farming American dollars... and this is real life.";
r_text[472] = "(Cory) A space suit is kind of like a tiara. There's like three contexts that make sense, and any other time you just seem insane.";
r_text[473] = "(Andrew) I like my meals to be four bites and four minutes apart.";
r_text[474] = "(Andrew) I think eighth edition is the worst game ever. (Joel) You know, you can always just make regular units. You don't have to exploit the hoard rule. (Andrew) Actually, eighth edition is pretty cool. (Andy) Wow, that's quite a dramatic change of opinion there.";
r_text[475] = "(Andy) I decided instead to lie. I would have had to explain it, but lying saved me a very very small amount of inconvenience.";
r_text[476] = "(Matt) The final tally for where we're eating is two for burgers, two for Mongolian, and two for things that are not an option. (Matt) Ok, let's try again. Now we have Mongolian, Mongolian, burgers, burgers, ...and Ralph Nader. (Andy) Jim, you're breaking the tie right now... or maybe you're creating it.";
r_text[477] = "(Andrew) It's in my backpack, it's next to the sword. (Joel) Did he just say he has a sword in his backpack?";
r_text[478] = "(Joel) I can say with absolute positive certainty that I don't have a single digital photograph of my life prior to 2002... which makes perfect sense.";
r_text[479] = "(Joel) The engine's gone and I've got no power! (Craig) Is that bad? (Joel) Get ready for the ride of your life!";
r_text[480] = "(Matt) Is there anyone here who has any money? (Andy) I've got piles of money. (Joel) Real money? (Andy) Oh, no, I've got no real money. None whatsoever.";
r_text[481] = "(Matt) Like a shadow government game. Have you played Illuminati? (Craig) Is it like that? (Matt) I don't know, I've never played it.";
r_text[482] = "(Joel) All I know is you wanted to father illegitimate children. (Matt) Not illegitimate, they just don't have to be legitimate.";
r_text[483] = "(Joel) Who wants hot dinner rolls!? (Everyone) Me! (Joel) We don't have them! (Andy) When it comes to dissapointment, you never dissapoint.";
r_text[484] = "(Joel) This knife is made for stabbin', and that's just what it'll do. One of these days this knife is gonna stab all up in you. (Erin) Wow, don't stab me.";
r_text[485] = "(Andy) Where are the beets Joel, did you mash them? (Joel) The beats... Oh! ...You're talking about food!";
r_text[486] = "(Andy) What are these, rope reeds? (Joel) Those don't exist, these are regular reeds. (Andy) Don't they? When did you last trade for a bag of 'regular reed seeds?'";
r_text[487] = "(Matt) Wow, this camping trip is going extremely well. (Andy) Nobody stabbed themselves in the foot. (Joel) Nothing caught fire. (Amy) No bears! (Matt) ...This is so boring! I miss Andrew!";
r_text[488] = "(Andy) You should try putting your feet in the sand. It's hella exfoliating. (Joel) Hella exfoliating?";
r_text[489] = "(Andy) Did you just apologize for not racially stereotyping that person?";
r_text[490] = "(Joel) This bread tastes like ash. (Andy) It could be worse, it could taste like ass.";
r_text[491] = "(Matt) I should be Groucho Marx for something... what's a thing to be dressed up for? (Joel) ...Halloween? (Matt) Yeah... no, I have to be Jareth for Halloween. Pick something else.";
r_text[492] = "(Craig) I'm not going to miss Andrew, but I am going to miss his money.";
r_text[493] = "(Matt) Chaos has just erupted... after an encounter with a small animal.";
r_text[494] = "(Erin) I don't want to have stinky garlic breath. (Matt) I do. Hand it over!";
r_text[495] = "(Erin) In my experience open houses are free and involve cookies.";
r_text[496] = "(Joel) How do you know they became hipsters? (Matt) They all had 10 speeds and were doing trendy things.";
r_text[497] = "(Joel) Well, there she is. (Craig) I thought it was a male, it's named Jorge. (Joel) Vehicles are traditionally female. (Craig) To be fair, it does seem weird climbing into a man.";
r_text[498] = "(Amy) Ok, trade monopoly on paper! (Everyone) Arrrgh! (Amy) {Phone} Hello?... Ok... Oh, I got to go, I'm with friends. (Joel) Yeah, she's got to get back to screwing us in the butt! (Amy) {Click} That was my dad.";
r_text[499] = "(Jim) That idea gave me wood... and also brick.";
r_text[500] = "(Joel) Oh! I feel compelled to trade my hard earned money for garbage! ...Oh no! I'm Andrew!";
r_text[501] = "(Joel) The Chinese guy is here. (Matt) What Chinese guy? We didn't invite a Chinese guy. (Amy) No, the delivery.";
r_text[502] = "(Amy) It's clover honey. (Joel) I cloved your mom's honey last night! (Craig) ...That ...means nothing to me.";
r_text[503] = "(Matt) So wait, you're telling me more space on your hard drive is taken up by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles than by Windows? (Andrew) Well... yeah.";
r_text[504] = "(Craig) This can only be described as an elderant stench.";
r_text[505] = "(Matt) Is 'totally not a bot,' a bot? (Craig) Yes.";
r_text[506] = "(Matt) Healers healing healers?! It's bedlam!";
r_text[507] = "(Craig) A bot is dominating me!";
r_text[508] = "(Erin) What do you call someone who doesn't like someone different? (Craig) Xenophobe? (Erin) Well, he didn't like me because I was a girl. (Craig) Sexist? (Erin) Well, actually he didn't like anyone who wasn't him.";
r_text[509] = "(Erin) Guess what I dreamed about? (Joel) Bone guns and video games? (Erin) No, alternate worlds. (Joel) What? Where Andrew has a full time job and Cory lives in a house he owns? (Erin) No, I dreamt of alternate worlds I like.";
r_text[510] = "(Cory) And when you wake up in the morning you get naked chicks out the window! (Andrew) That's why the window will stay closed. (Joel) Why would you want to do that? (Andrew) Because I'm a prude.";
r_text[511] = "(Joel) Just use that phone line. (Cory) That's not a phone line, that has three twisted pairs instead of two. (Joel) I twisted your mom's pairs last night! (Erin) Gross.";
r_text[512] = "(Craig) There's Futurama on somewhere... I can sense it.";
r_text[513] = "(Cory) Remember when Pepsi came out with retro flavors? (Matt) No. (Cory) When I tried the 1980s flavor I almost broke into tears remembering a time when I had no problems and parents that liked me.";
r_text[514] = "(Cory) Why is Andrew moving out? (Erin) Because Andrew is lame and doesn't pay rent. (Andrew) Hey that's not true! ...Well, it is.";
r_text[515] = "(Cory) Good news everyone! Your scale is eight pounds up! (Amy) How do you know? (Cory) I wieghed myself at the vet!";
r_text[516] = "(Cory) Why does nobody trust my car? (Joel) Because the back end is totaled. (Cory) But the front end is solid!";
r_text[517] = "(Matt) What happened to Magda? (Joel) I think she went home. Omi wants her to get back to Hyrule Castle by sundown before they bring up the drawbridge and Magda is outside battling skeletons all night.";
r_text[518] = "(Joel) We're not playing because Craig is a sorry susan. (Craig) Look, you guys can play if you want. (Joel) While you sit in the corner and read? (Craig) I wouldn't read!... I'd play Angry Birds.";
r_text[519] = "(Andrew) Tankettes are great. They wreck face against infantry.";
r_text[520] = "(Magda) Is someone sitting here? (Craig) No, Andrew's crap is here.";
r_text[521] = "(Joel) I wish you were'nt so... (Jenny) ...so what? (Joel) So... sober. (Jenny) You've never seen me sober. (Joel) Considering I just met you, that means you're drunk right now. (Jenny) Actually this isn't the first time we've met... but the first time you were drunk.";
r_text[522] = "(Andrew) You encounter a... {Roll} Gorilla! Chasing a... {Roll} ...{Sigh} Dire Ape.";
r_text[523] = "(Joel) Andrew, if you perpetually pull around behind you a rolly bag full of casserole, you will solidify yourself as the most insane person I know.";
r_text[524] = "(Matt) That was really loud. If anyone hasn't noticed that we're here, they do now!";
r_text[525] = "(Joel) My armpits are like drinking fountains.";
r_text[526] = "(Matt) There is no winner in this hippie game. (Joel) {Sigh} I don't want to play.";
r_text[527] = "(Jay) Slide those pieces over here. (Andrew) That's something I'm actually good at. (Joel) Sliding? (Andrew) No, games.";
r_text[528] = "(Erin) I'm totally wearing a kilt tomorrow. (Joel) I don't think they're called kilts when they're on women.";
r_text[529] = "(Joel) It's four in the morning! We gamed literally forever, and now we're done.";
r_text[530] = "(Andrew) That's about as weird as Super Noah's Ark 3D. (Joel) Super Noah's Ark 3D? (Andrew) It's a ripoff of Wolfenstein 3D. (Joel) So, it's a shooting game? (Andrew) Yes, you shoot slingshots at goats. (Joel) That can't be exciting, or normal.";
r_text[531] = "(Andrew) I don't have a problem with Planeswalkers, I have a problem with how broken they are.";
r_text[532] = "(Andrew) It's one of those dogs where you can't tell where it is because of all the hair.";
r_text[533] = "(Joel) What would you do if I just cut you open right now. (Andrew) I would probably scream. (Joel) Would you really? (Andrew) {Sigh} Actually, probably not.";
r_text[534] = "(Erin) I only have so many swords. (Joel) Yeah, most people can say that about themselves.";
r_text[535] = "(Erin) I lost my rulebook. (Joel) Good thing you're not running a tournament. (Erin) Well, if I was running a tournament I would care.";
r_text[536] = "(Matt) Cory is fixed, it is his greatest gift.";
r_text[537] = "(Matt) I'm not drunk! (Cory) Let's get Matt another drink, something girly and high in alcohol. (Matt) I was just reassuring Amy, I wasn't complaining.";
r_text[538] = "(Joel) Everyone has to listen to me! (Matt) Let's listen to Joel mumble to himself like a homeless person about mangos.";
r_text[539] = "(Matt) Oh! It's so cute! I want to wear it as a hat!";
r_text[540] = "(Craig) There's nothing wrong with going to a bar in the middle of the day.";
r_text[541] = "(Matt) I wonder if all these ducks have diabetes.";
r_text[542] = "(Joel) Why are you scrolling from bottom to top? The URL bar is statically placed.";
r_text[543] = "(Matt) How are you not ticklish in your armpit? Everybody is ticklish in the armpit. (Amy) That's not my armpit. (Matt) Oh... What... What is that?";
r_text[544] = "(Cory) The tuba is still tubing.";
r_text[545] = "(Andy) Check it out Matt, I got a sandals tan that doesn't match my sandals. (Joel) Wow, that is the dorkiest thing ever.";
r_text[546] = "(Matt) The thing is, throughout history when people predicted the rapture, most of the time they have been wrong. (Joel) Most of the time?";
r_text[547] = "(Erin) I have good news and bad news. (Joel) What's the bad news? (Erin) They are the same news.";
r_text[548] = "(Matt) I'll have you know that I have three good friends. (Andy) Wow, three whole good friends. (Erin) Yeah, even I have at least five good friends right here!";
r_text[549] = "(Erin) That's what you would look like if you were the Jelly Belly man! (Joel) Obese?";
r_text[550] = "(Matt) Are you sure we are talking about the same guy? (Joel) Creebly McBackrub? (Cory) Magda says he's creepy. (Matt) Oh, that's the guy!";
r_text[551] = "(Cory) Don't you hate people that can't read numbers to you? (Joel) Why? What did she say? (Cory) She said: Three... zeros. Seven... teen. Six... ty.";
r_text[552] = "(Cory) Foon. (Magda) Can you use that in a sentence? (Cory) A foon is what is leftover from spork manufacturing. (Joel) Whoah, that pun was rainman level clever.";
r_text[553] = "(Andy) Naaaagggh! (Magda) What? I'm not going to hit you. (Andy) A lot of women in my life do.";
r_text[554] = "(Andy) Japan voted ramen noodles the most significant invention of the 20th Century. (Cory) It was going to be nuclear power.";
r_text[555] = "(Andrew) Wait a minute, I have... sh!t. Yeah, that's about what I have.";
r_text[556] = "(Joel) So Andrew, which doctor are you? (Andrew) I would be the fourth doctor. (Joel) I love that you gave me a straight answer without even needing context.";
r_text[557] = "(Matt) Andrew, you cannot tell me that you are not the doctor. (Andrew) I don't have a sonic screwdriver!";
r_text[558] = "(Matt) FDR himself has landed in Moscow in his personal fighter plane to give Stalin a fist bump. (Craig) How would FDR get out of a fighter plane, you know, with the whole wheelchair? (Cory) Maybe they can use a crane like how they lowered R2D2 into Luke's X-wing in Star Wars. (Matt) FDR2D2!";
r_text[559] = "(Matt) Oh wow, the smell of B.O. makes me nostalgic for my high school D&D days.";
r_text[560] = "(Cory) You're dexterous, and I'm fat, so how about you pull, and I'll push.";
r_text[561] = "(Joel) Yeah, they are different in the same way that blue and indigo are different colors. Yes, undeniably different, but red is like, wow... so much less wavelength!";
r_text[562] = "(Cory) What else rhymes with Wiest? (Joel) Neiced. (Erin) What? (Joel) My uncle was born and then I was neiced.";
r_text[563] = "(Matt) I'm going to run straight over there and kill 'The Black Man.' ...Oh man, I shouldn't say that so loud or our neighbors will hear... they are black.";
r_text[564] = "(Joel) Wow, she is a tall glass of water... or maybe those people around her are just children.";
r_text[565] = "(Joel) I'm going to go see if I can whack this off, you'll want to write down that part number. (Cory) Can I write down this quote?";
r_text[566] = "(Erin) You know what my grandparents did? (Joel) Went back in time and high-fived Teddy Roosevelt?";
r_text[567] = "(Craig, Andy, Andrew, Cory & Joel) We were sailing alonnng, on moonlight bay-ay-ay-ay-ay (Matt) You guys are so awful you're like a bunch of zombies who were tone deaf in life.";
r_text[568] = "(Nina) If you get bored you can borrow all tomorrow's parties from my parents.";
r_text[569] = "(Joel) I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think tax evasion might be the only answer.";
r_text[570] = "(Matt) Who wants to see a picture of Winston Churchill's balls? (Joel) Why is it saved on your hard drive?";
r_text[571] = "(Joel) So, you claim a prostitute bought you lunch, and that makes you technically a pimp?";
r_text[572] = "(Craig) No, I've never been skinny dipping. (Matt) I don't think Craig has done anything he needs to hide. (Andy) Yeah, I'm reasonably sure that Craig has never been naked.";
r_text[573] = "(Cory) Every time I have my phone next to yours I get insecure. I have screenis envy.";
r_text[574] = "(Joel) This stick is a problem. (Cory) It's actually a solution!";
r_text[575] = "(Matt) I'm going to play Dwarf Fortress and drink until I'm playing Dwarf Fortress drunk.";
r_text[576] = "(Amy) I'm going out to buy some things. (Joel) Ok, we'll just be here destroying your property.";
r_text[577] = "(Andrew) For some reason I decided it'd be an idea to try to install Ubutntu with the discs I have. Now I'm checking my email on the Wii if that tells you how well it worked out.";
r_text[578] = "(Erin) I think my cousin and this guy are going out. (Joel) How do you know? (Erin) She said 'hey baby.' (Joel) So? Maybe she's like one of those people that calls everyone baby. (Erin) Then I saw them kiss. (Joel) So? Maybe she's like one of those people that gives everyone kisses. (Erin) Then she told me.";
r_text[579] = "(Matt) Congratulations! Apparently they have been hoarding cash in the abyss!";
r_text[580] = "(Joel) I'm going to shut the sh!t down when I come out the other end. (Craig) That sounds really dirty for some reason.";
r_text[581] = "(Cory) Oh man, that dog is never going to move! I want to get to the police station! Hmm... {gasp} I can get there by being arrested!";
r_text[582] = "(Craig) You probably should'nt stay around here too much more because you will fail your will check. (Cory) Yes I will.";
r_text[583] = "(Cory) I had a girl that was into big noses. She wanted to do provactive things with mine. (Andrew) Ummm... well, I... (Matt) I think that Andrew has a very scary and uncomfortable story to relate to this.";
r_text[584] = "(Matt) My character needs to be Hungarian. Not bullsh!t fantasy other-world Hungarian, actually Hungarian. (Craig) Uh, Ok... why is that important?";
r_text[585] = "(Cory) It's like the Mormon promotion system. (Joel) That was sure non-sequitur. (Cory) Actually it wasn't. It's like the Mormon metaphysics where first Jesus was a guy, then he was a god, then he was a dragon. (Joel) What are you talking about? (Cory) I'm a scientist!";
r_text[586] = "(Matt) The word of the day is: confute. (Cory) I don't believe that. (Matt) Let me confute your disbelief. (Cory) Ahh! I'm overwhelmed by your argument!";
r_text[587] = "(Magda) Andrew is easily swayed by the things he hears. (Cory) Joel, do you know how easily you could turn Andrew into a Republican?";
r_text[588] = "(Cory) So what class are you taking now? (Joel) Remote sensing. (Cory) Cool! So can you, like, see what's in my sock drawer right now? (Joel) No, that's remote viewing.";
r_text[589] = "
(Cory) That poster implies that Warhammer died. (Andrew) After eighth edition, it kinda did.
";
r_text[590] = "(Cory) You don't have to do that right next to me. (Matt) What was he doing? (Cory) Farting... and trying really hard.";
r_text[591] = "(Craig) I'm coming out this turn. (Matt) You're coming out? Aww, I'm so glad to hear that.";
r_text[592] = "(Cory) So about the person you met today, did I ever tell you about Molesty McMolestington? (Joel) I'm so glad you're about to tell this to me after the fact.";
r_text[593] = "(Cory) I don't get sarcasm. (Joel) Well I don't use sarcasm that much. (Cory) That's not true. (Joel) That was sarcastic.";
r_text[594] = "(Amy) What kind of table is it? (Matt) A wooden table. (Amy) But what kind? (Matt) It's pretty nondescript. If you went into the holodeck on Startrek Enterprise and said 'wooden table,' it is exactly what you would expect to appear.";
r_text[595] = "(Cory) I see you're reading Lovecraft. Would you like to brush up on my Longfellow?";
r_text[596] = "(Magda) Andrew will be required to wash his hands a lot, wash anything that touches the floor, NOT drop things, fold things without touching the drapes, get her food without spilling anything, and clean up after himself. (Joel) You just described things that are opposite of how Andrew does them.";
r_text[597] = "(Magda) I have so many vowels. (Andrew) I have that problem too. (Magda) Vowels, Andrew, not bowels. (Cory) Dump. (Everyone) Uggggh.";
r_text[598] = "(Tim) I see Weird Al. (Andy) You do not see Weird Al. (Tim) Oh, it's Nirvana, Sorry.";
r_text[599] = "(Cory) Oh my god, what happened last night? (Joel) I don't know, but everything tastes like crutons.";
r_text[600] = "(Andy) So we might be part Ukranian. (Andrew) Did you say you're Uranian? (Andy) I'm not from Uranus, Andrew.";
r_text[601] = "(Joel) Popcorn, peanuts, and prizes. (Magda) What is that? (Joel) That's what Crackerjacks are made of.";
r_text[602] = "(Craig) There's a Twilight Imperium game going on. (Joel) As it will be for the entire weekend!";
r_text[603] = "(Matt) Will your parents let us loot their lodgings? (Craig) No, not tonight. (Matt) Fine, I guess I'll eat tomorrow.";
r_text[604] = "(Cory) Hey Matt, I'm going to wipe this on your shirt without asking. (Matt) Oh my god, I'm so glad this is happening to me.";
r_text[605] = "(Nina) My dad is a badass who can get off a 16 hour flight and immediately jump into the ocean.";
r_text[606] = "(Cory) I would like someone to pick up Andrew, so I can get all this stuff fast, but it looks like that's not going to happen, so I am sad.";
r_text[607] = "{Silence} (Magda) It's not a GPS though! (Cory) I'll take non sequiturs for 600, Alex.";
r_text[608] = "(Cory) I think he has the cheeseburger syndrome. (Joel) I don't know what that is. (Cory) Oh come on, what is like the only syndrome you know about? (Joel) There isn't a cheeseburger anywhere called an asperger.";
r_text[609] = "(Joel) Wait, can you start over? I was thinking about tiny little men.";
r_text[610] = "(Cory) Who is that? (Andrew) I don't know. (Cory) Andrew, she wants to slurp you. (Joel) How does he know that? (Magda) {Sigh} Because she said 'Happy Birthday.'";
r_text[611] = "(Craig) Axis and Allies doesn't make a very good drinking game. (Joel) No! A shot every time you take over 50% casualties.";
r_text[612] = "(Cory) Nothing sounds as bizarre as a mile of tighty-whities.";
r_text[613] = "(Joel) Ask me a why question. (Andrew) Why have we not played Mahjong? (Joel) Ask me another why question. (Andrew) Why?";
r_text[614] = "(Cory) Can you imagine, we're looking at a speck of light that is an entire galaxy of civilizations and we're calling it 'Orion's wang.' (Joel) That's fine, how do you think Florida feels?";
r_text[615] = "(Andrew) After I've been farting in my jacket for awhile, then it's nice and warm.";
r_text[616] = "(Joel) It was right then that I realized that alcohol is the cure to all my problems. (Cory) It's also the cause of a different set of problems.";
r_text[617] = "(Joel) Have you ever referred to Kanji as Japanese runes?";
r_text[618] = "(Cory) Argh! I'm sitting in cake!";
r_text[619] = "(Andrew) Oh man, I really need to do well in my data structures class. (Craig & Joel) Yes you do!";
r_text[620] = "(Nina) I know two girls who plan to make out at parties so guys will hit on them. (Andy) When I see two girls making out the idea of hitting on them actually leaves my mind.";
r_text[621] = "(Cory) In my favorite lucid dream, I dreamt I crashed and messed up three cars. So then I sat on the curb and cried 'man, this is going to ruin me!' Then I realised it was a dream, so I stopped time! Then I streched out my hand and uncrumpled the van, then I uncrumpled the civic...";
r_text[622] = "(Andrew) How is Andy here but not Matt? (Cory) They are actually two different people.";
r_text[623] = "(Joel) In the past two weeks I've become a connoisseur of cereal. (Craig) Which one is your favorite? (Joel) Hmmm, I forgot the name of it. (Matt) Did you know that the one you are eating is stale? (Joel) I don't care. (Craig) I don't think you understand the meaning of connoisseur.";
r_text[624] = "(Joel) Oh wait, right, I forgot that I don't have to round that. I can do fractions with money.";
r_text[625] = "(Joel) Joel requires paper! (Craig) You have a quote all of a sudden? (Joel) No, I need to write down my points, but that might warrant a quote though.";
r_text[626] = "(Joel) Yeah, well you of all people should know Craig, you're used to only getting one of each flavor. (Craig) What?... I don't understand, is that remark supposed to be a sexual thing?";
r_text[627] = "(Nina) Excuse me, can I get where you are? (Cory) Yes, you just have to drink a lot and be really lazy.";
r_text[628] = "(Erin) I started a new Facebook game called Island Paradise. You get to produce things on your island and combine them to make other things. (Joel) Oh like Dwarf Fortress! Except with graphics, and without dwarves, so it sucks.";
r_text[629] = "(Joel) A picture is worth a thousand words. (Anthony) But a thousand words takes up less memory.";
r_text[630] = "(Andy) You're asking where did he go? Here we are, swimming in the middle of the ocean and the other guy just vanishes. I wonder where he went?";
r_text[631] = "(Andy) The chain of command is breaking down, the captain is now buying prostitutes with the regular seamen... and going in halvsies apparently.";
r_text[632] = "(Andy) Sorry, I was trying to think of an example of a computer game that you pay for, but I was drawing a blank. (Craig) Because you habitually steal them?";
r_text[633] = "(Andy) I got you an early birthday present Craig, it's called a dozen torpedoes! Hope you don't already have one!";
r_text[634] = "(Joel) Our plans have been drowned in a sea of apathy.";
r_text[635] = "(Joel) Oh my god Craig, a tiny airship is decending! ...And it's dropping free candy! (Carig) Actually it's dropping coupons for free burritos. (Joel) This is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me!";
r_text[636] = "(Cory) Joel purpled your hand!";
r_text[637] = "(Joel) I actually think David is quite attractive... is that wrong? (Cory) No, but it's a little gay.";
r_text[638] = "(Joel) So, you wank with your right hand? (Andrew) I have to use both hands! (Joel) That is the best comeback ever.";
r_text[639] = "(Matt) Yeah, he looks very distinguished with that antenna sticking out of his mouth.";
r_text[640] = "(Matt) That's going to be my car... and my coffin.";
r_text[641] = "(Erin) I was somewhere and it totally smelled like silkworms... Oh! It was Andrew's house!";
r_text[642] = "(Matt) Sir, DS-2 is requesting assistance. (Joel) Tell them to sit and spin. (Matt) Sir, DS-2 begs for assistance. (Joel) Tell them to sit and spin! (Matt) Sir, DS-2 is destroyed. (Joel) Those brave souls. If only we had acted sooner! Well, notify their next of kin.";
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